By CHRISTOPHER FORTIER
It’s been said the power of love is a curious thing.
It can make one man weep, and make another man sing.
Yes, I know that’s lyrics from the greatest band ever, Huey Lewis and the News, but it’s more than true. It’s been a song I have used these past couple of weeks to justify the emotion that I have been going through when it comes to the fairer gender.
Women have always been an Everest-like challenge for me to overcome.
Mainly because of my eccentricities, and my less than stellar opinion of myself.
But there is one woman out there, and she knows whom she is, who makes my life just better.
A muse if you will.
And it tears me up inside, because I am in love with her.
Why? Because I don’t think I can ever be with her.
You see, she already has a beau. She’s not completely happy with her beau. She has confided this to me. It’s like she’s a bird, who has had her wings clipped, so that she can’t get away.
But you can’t cage this woman.
Every time she talks to me about her problems with this guy, it seems like all he wants to do is change her to suit his lofty aspirations.
To tell you the truth, I love her the way she is.
I don’t get to see her all that often, but when I do, I am always happy to see her.
She accepts me for me.
Sure, she doesn’t like my self-mocking, but then again, I know few people who do. But she accepts what I am, and what I am all about.
I have trouble speaking in front of her. She makes my speech impediment come out so often, that I have to start speaking in character in order to get a sentence out.
She makes my heart race every time she hugs me.
I love telling her something, and getting that smile she gives come out. It’s like I have done my job right because I have made her smile.
She’s so encouraging of my in my quest to better myself, and offers words of support to me on an almost-daily basis.
But I can’t make a move to win her heart, because she’s someone else’s.
I have to remain objective.
It’s not to say that I haven’t wanted to. I did have a chance, but I didn’t take it.
Do I regret it? Yes, and no.
Yes, because I may have blown my one shot to prove to her my valor, and worth as a partner and companion (not a sidekick, or arm candy). And No, because I had that happen to me, and the last thing I want, is to recreate history. I know how devastating that can be to a psyche.
What makes things even more difficult is that I know how she feels about me. She’s never said the words to me, but when she looks at me with those eyes, I know what she is trying to tell me.
Even if I get to see her for two minutes, my day is instantly better.
She makes me want to be a better person, and she motivates me to be the best person I could possibly be.
But there is a major obstacle in my path, a huge hurdle to overcome. One, which might be the reason I lose this battle.
I have to remain objective. I am nothing without it, and I need to keep that.
Yet, it is so difficult, because I want to be hers so badly, and she’s so unhappy that sooner or later, she’s going to realize she can do far better than someone who doesn’t respect her enough to let her be the person she is, and wants to mould her to suit his own agenda. A man, who has made decisions for her, contrary to her best interests, a man who has made decisions for the couple as a whole, without first consulting his own partner. That is not what I call a partnership. That is what I call a dictatorship.
So my decision is clear. Wait.
I have decided to take myself out of the dating pool, dry off, and sit on a patio chair and bide my time.
As long as it takes, I am going to sit here and wait.
I have told her this. And the only thing she has said was that she wanted a time limit for how long I can wait.
The truth is, I am going to wait as long as it takes.
Why? Because she’s worth it.
And besides… I love her.
But that’s just my opinion. What do I know?
F.M.
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