Repress! Redunant! Retarded!

BAGS! BAGS! BAGS! BAGS! BAGS!

Where, oh where, am I going to put all of these bags?

In the Bag Hutch!!!

Sorry. I was just having Mr. Show flashbacks! God, I miss that show.

But this installment of Forch’N Telling is not about another TV show that I miss. This installment is about a much more serious threat to our society’s well-being. It is Bag-related, so I am sticking with a theme here.

Last week, I went to a grocery store in my town, which if you’re not from Southern/Central Ontario, you’ll probably never have heard of it. The store, is called “Zehr’s”. Zehr’s is the high-end grocery store in Welland, next to Sobeys. They’re that President’s Choice store that has all of the high-end items, at high-end prices.

You know, where you can get Star Fruit, or Konnyaku or Fresh Lobster, Shark Steaks as well as top-quality everything, at the highest prices known to man. I occasionally will stop in, to pick up odds and ends there, but normally, only when I am in the general area. I normally steer clear of that place, and head to Price Chopper, Food Basics or No Frills, where the prices for the exact same items are a little easier to swallow.

Now when I shop where I normally shop, I normally pay about a nickel per bag. I am not one of those environmental types, who obsess over Mother Earth, and have to reuse bags. I do, first of all. But most of my bags end up going with my recycled plastics. I feel that it’s still getting recycled, so what’s the big deal?

Now a place like Zehr’s, which is where you pay A LOT more for food, as of May 1st, is going to start charging for Bags. The Hippees have won another battle in the War to make every God-damned thing Green!!!

Now, I say this to Zehr’s… If you’re going to charge for Bags, then why don’t you (for the love of God) make your groceries more affordable? Hey, that’s a novel idea. Instead of pushing for more money and masking it under the Auspices of being all environmental and such.

I own reusable bags, I have a bunch of them, but you know what? I don’t think to take them with me wherever I go. Sometimes, I go shopping on the spur of the moment, so I guess it’s up to me to think ahead, right?

All to save the world? Or at least keep the pockets of the corporations a little lighter.

But that’s just my opinion… What do I know???

F.M.

Two All-Beef Patties? Sure! Tomatoes? Not at this price!!!

Since when did a “Tomato” count as an extra topping on a cheeseburger, and warrant extra charges???

Now that you’re totally baffled and flabbergasted, I’m going to tell you this. Right now, I am not impressed with the service or the policies of A&W. A fast-food chain that I have frequented in the past, has probably lost a customer, and possibly permanently.

All over Tomatoes….

Well…. Not just tomatoes. Crappy service had a lot to do with it as well…

Here’s what happened.

I recorded some vocals for Matt & Rob over at ”The Oh Team” and I had some time to kill before I had to work at 4, so I decided to visit the Pen Centre and see what’s going down there. I walk by the food court, and see A&W, with a Banner that says: “Mama Burger: $1.50”. I had a $5 bill in my pocket, so I decided to treat myself, and get 2 of them as a snack for my voyage to work.

Behind the counter, so undelightful, and sarcastic assclown took my order. He proceeded to ask me if I wanted Cheese, which I said sure, and made sure to tell him that I wanted only Mustard and Tomato as condiments.

“That’ll be $5.40.”

“What?? How much extra do you charge for cheese???”

“We also charge extra for Tomatoes.”

“Seriously??? Aren’t they standard condiments on a burger?”

“No. We charge extra for them.”

“OK. Fine. Hold the Tomatoes.”

That brilliant exchange of dialogue aside, the person in back prepares my burgers, and then the dude puts them on a tray, and says: “Here you go, dude.”

So I proceeded to ask, if I could have it to go.

He shook his head, and proceeded to gripe saying: “You people really need to make it clear that you want your order ‘To Go’…”

I replied: “You never asked me.”

So, just to be an ass, he asks the people who were behind me and just ordered: “What about you guys? Here? Or to go?” And proceeds to snicker at me as he stuffs (And missed) putting my $4.26 cheeseburgers (Which were originally $1.50 each, do the math…) in the bag itself.

Then he proceeds to say, as I was leaving… “There you go, your majesty…”

So I started to walk away, grabbed a comment card and replied… “Hey Court Jester!!! Regale me with your comedic performance, for I crave entertainment with my meal!”

That put the starch out of his shirt in a heartbeat.

So right now? I am filling out the comment card.

I don’t think that he realized that I went to high school with the Owner.

But that’s just my opinion… What do I know???

F.M.

2 Weeks in.... How are we doing???

Well it’s two weeks into the Baseball season, and my Orioles are already playing .500 baseball. Whether or not that is a good sign, I am uncertain, but I am going to take it as a positive.

First off, I think that we have to examine the season to date. With the exception of the 4-game set at Fenway, the O’s have been playing excellent baseball. Basically, they’ve been winning two, losing one, and that, my friends is .666 baseball.

Now I never expected the Birds to do as bad as they did in Boston, but I can not say that I am at all surprised with the outcome, because let’s face facts, when it comes to the AL east, the Yanks and the Sox have a monopoly on the division. Why? Because they’re the two biggest markets in Major League Baseball, and they can afford to woo away talent, basically, making salaries so large, that smaller-market teams can’t afford to match the salaries.

I do remain optimistic that the Orioles can remain in a good spot for the first few months, and develop a game-style similar to the one implemented by Tampa Bay last year. Dave Trembley is a good manager, and has a good mind for the game. The O’s are filled with some good all-around talent, and yes, there are gaps, especially in pitching, but once they can get their stuff together, I feel that there may be a .500 season afterall.

I don’t ask for much, but that would certainly be nice.

But that’s just my opinion… What do I know???

F.M.